mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i think i have two assholes
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
