I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
