I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
