I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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