but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize