You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
do nipples grow back?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
