i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he was CRYING into my vagina
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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