hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
