I have demons in me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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