i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
