you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
