Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
