I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
