If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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