my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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