sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
