we're blogging at a bar
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
