Me. At least after what I've been through.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
