So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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