the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
