A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
