I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
