so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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