these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
