I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
