how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
