i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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