I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
