Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
only you would photoshop your dick
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
