im about as happy as oj after his trial
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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