i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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