I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
