ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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