i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
