I think I am morally bankrupt
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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