im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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