Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When did angry sex become our thing?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
