was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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