Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
