every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
A+ Viking dick
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
