On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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