we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
