Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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