I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
