I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
