so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
