i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize