peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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