her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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