make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
