ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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