I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
