the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
