My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
