YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Did you pee in the oven last night??
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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