what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
