Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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