my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
