how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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