go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Only a mothe r could love this liver
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
