I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
