so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
