My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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