I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
