Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
