ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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