he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
