no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
