i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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