96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So much rum. So many feels.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
