I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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