OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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