God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Green mimosas i think yes
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
