you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
