i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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