I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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