6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
